Frugal Families Are Happy Families

One of the best outcomes of this adoption was a unified monetary policy in my family. We saved every penny before spending it. This was extremely challenging, but more rewarding than I expected. I discovered quickly that most of my stress in life relates to money (particularly with someone else spending it). But with a plan in place, stress is reduced, fear is gone, and life is simplified and happier.

The apostle Paul taught that "the love of money is the root of all evil" (1 Tim 6:10). The love of money is intrinsically selfish. A "selfish love" is actually "lust". Thus it does not surprise me that the most selfless covenant, marriage, should be stressed by a competing, selfish lust. I knew this would be the case, before I married. To this day, I observe the same in my parents marriage from time to time.

I do not love money; rather, I tend to fear it. Ironically, that can have the same effect as love. Love and fear both hold our attentions, shape our desires and influence our behaviors. If I don't approach my fears with faith and hope, fear can even drive love aside and dominate my life. Financial fears have had that effect before, in my youth and early college days. But with time, study, humility, and faith, I have overcome those fears and established healthy relationships with wealth, commerce, employment, and all around prosperity. Marrying Sarah just complicated everything, introduced another variable, with her own financial issues.

Before Sarah and I married, we talked about financial plans and habits. I am extremely frugal (Sarah might say "miserly" is more accurate).  Sarah is also frugal, though she can get exasperated at money and ignore it, leading to complications. We both felt comfortable with the others' approach to money in marriage. Time would prove it, with a little refining fire.

Within months of our marriage, Sarah began pressing to save for an adoption. I wanted to wait until later in life, when a few basics were in place. We struggled back and forth with this topic and other related fiscal practices until I decided that her drive to save was only healthy, even if the timing felt off. We settled on a rough budget and she began scrimping and saving every penny. Even on a graduate student budget, with a growing family, we managed to save money! With my first job, we saved even more, despite a ridiculously low salary. And when I got my present job at BYU, I realized that we just might pull this adoption off without debt. This was great, because the adoption was more expensive than we anticipated (a common theme in life) and I was determined to avoid debt at most costs.

Eventually, as we saved for several years, I realized that this draconian savings strategy was winnowing away frivolous behaviors with money. I could see Sarah refining her own behaviors, as was I. Before we had this common savings goal, my attempts to define a budget were filibustered, vetoed, or ignored.

The primary reason we could save so ferociously was that both of us were dedicated to the outcome. We set our priorities together and recognized each other's sacrifices. We tried hard to meet each other's needs while curbing our own wants. And we marveled and rejoiced together at our achievements.

This adoption savings goal was monolithic. It supplanted all other goals and proved to us that we could really pinch and prune when necessary. Now that this major project is finished, we are applying these lessons to our next major goals: a home, a van, a business, retirement, etc. We like budgeting together.

We have established practical budgets and the habits of reviewing them regularly, together. The daily incidentals of our budget are manged in an envelop system, the bills and large savings amounts are managed in bank accounts, CDs, etc. with all bills auto-paid early.

We have shown one another how frugal (and responsible) we can be, which helps us trust one another more. It's still hard to stay synchronized with needs, wants, and priorities. Money is the biggest risk to marital harmony in our home. But we now know how to make finances work well.

We share our hopes and dreams, our wants and likes, and most of all, our frustrations. Through all this, we pull together a budget, including specific purchases to save for, and prioritize everything to ensure we see eye to eye. We have determined how categories cascade and cover overages, which accrue, and which are capped. We know roughly how long various purchases will take to save for. We have contingencies and backup plans. In short, we are prepared.

"...If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear." — D&C 38:30

Without fear, we are at peace and we are happy, regardless of our income.